The Art of Negotiation: Mediation and Arbitration Among Conflicting Groups

Through Isms & Issues (my consultant business), I have had extensive experience designing workshops on negotiating, mediating and/or arbitrating among individuals and groups having different interests/points of view.

The success of negotiation, mediation and arbitration is rooted in:

1) Being a good listener,

2) Shifting into what I call "interview mode," and

3) Democratic persuasion.

These three components provide both a conceptual and practical framework for successful negotiation and mediation. Let’s look at them one by one.

Being a good listener is much more difficult than people realize. Much of the time when someone is talking to us we aren’t really listening; we are thinking about what we are going to say in response. I work with people to suspend judgment; to not immediately evaluate what is being said in terms of what it means to you. Instead, try to understand what it means from the other person’s perspective.

In terms of #2, the “interview mode” is designed to get one to ask questions. Good questions. This will help better understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. In my workshops, we follow three basic rules:

· Avoid leading questions. The best possible question stimulates the group to draw its own conclusions rather than leading them to yours. “How do you feel about this course of action?” is a question with infinite possible answers. Did this course of action make you feel uncomfortable?” is a question with two possible answers. The first question leaves the individual/group free to discuss whatever ideas occur and seem relevant to them, whereas the second question traps the discussion into a single theme – discomfort.

· Phrase questions in a positive manner. Instead of asking, “Why won’t this plan work?” ask “What problems will we have to overcome if we adopt this plan?”

· Prepare questions in advance. This is very helpful in drawing out people and segues nicely into #3, democratic persuasion. Preparation is not perceived as flippant response, but thoughtful respect. As a result, it is easier to move people to your point of view, and if they don’t see things the same way, ego is not caught up in the outcome.

Finally a last important component is "values" and “values clarification.” "Values” and “values clarification,” in most cases can be defined by such examples as one's consideration for others, knowing and respecting rules, an openness to diversity, and agreeing to disagree. When working together in an employment environment, issues/conflicts are multiplied because there are more people with whom you interact. This is not as homogenous as living with your family insofar as taught/shared values. It is a chosen situation that requires having to come to "consensus" on what are the shared values. Keeping in mind the above points and exercises can extremely helpful in ensuring successful and efficient negotiating and mediating.

This article was excerpted from the Isms & Issues workshop “Successful Listening & Negotiation for Leaders.”